sandwiches

new assistant and i went to a place i have wanted to try for a while.



it's on crosby at bleecker. i had no idea what to expect, so when i walked up to a box with two hilarious greek guys making gourmet sandwiches, i was confused--to say the least. they were so nice, especially the fat one in a wife beater. there is no way this guy beats his wife, though. i think...



i asked to take their picture and the fat one joked to the skinny one, "hey donny! you gonna end up on one of those dirty sites again." as he gingerly sprinkled fresh dill onto my goat cheese and sundried tomato sandwich.



here is my "kiddy" sandwich: whole wheat hogie, goat cheese, romain lettuce, julienne cucumber, apple, sundried tomato.



it's insane. the turkey is freshly carved with skin still on it. no deli meat here. the cheese is brie, not american.

they don't sell sodas, but they offer you free bottled water. the fat guy liked me, so he told donny to make us fresh iced tea. then donny ducked down for a minute and came back with two cups. he said it was freshly made powdered iced tea. HILARIOUS.



cash only but who the fuck cares. these guys made my day.

*i have know idea what donny's name is, he just looks like a donny*

CHECK OUT THEIR WEBSITE. THIS PLACE IS AMAZING.

crosby connection

calling all euros

met my friend maria for lunch. she has that same disease that demi moore has. you know, the one where you never age a day past 27? fucking cunt. if that perpetual youth disorder was sexually transmitted i would close my eyes and make out with her just to catch it.



anywhoo. maria is my ex-boyfriend's best friend/ex-girlfriend (different ex-boyfreind...yah, i have been around). i met her 7 years ago. she once told me i had to stop acting like a brat if i ever wanted people to like me. ouch. but i dig her a lot. plus, she likes to drink. plus she has seen me wasted dancing to britney's "hit me baby, one more time" to a group of 40 year olds in montauk. i can't remember if that was the night before or after i got so drunk i decided to take off all my clothes and do the dishes because i thought i was alone--in front a goup of 40 year olds in montauk.

we had wine at lunch. so decadent i love it. we went to bread on spring between elizabeth and mott.

i have never been to this place during the day and i must say i prefer it. tons of foreigners. a veritable european union. of course, nobody from turkey.

we split an avocado and beet salad and a chicken sandwich thing. warning: the sandwiches aren't under a "sandwich" section. they are under "bread." which is totally counterintuitive if you want the lunch special of "soup and 1/2 sandwich." shouldn't it be "soup and 1/2 bread"? grrr.




they messed up on one thing. gave only gave us half a bread instead of a whole bread. by bread i mean sandwich. you see how confusing this is?



everything was delicious. they guys there were GORGEOUS.

i will go back. for lunch. they take credit cards, but no amex. if i am missing 25.60 miles to make my upgrade, i will go back and burn that place down.

(anita, if you read this, i better see you and your little friend on saturday night.)

bread

oui oui

french food, jewish owner, polish waitresses.

at least we all get along. (now.)



cafe henri is sort of a staple in this small hood. bedford and downing. it's not quite the west village, not quite soho, and not quite greenwich village. maybe we sould become seperatists.

i will be the borough president. my first order will be to exile all college grads who are here for one year. just because you "lived" in new york for a year doesn't mean you accomplished something. a furnished sublet and a parent's credit card isn't quite surviving, now is it? the second order will be to plant grass on all the sidewalks and put signs up everywhere that say "please stay off the grass." boy, would that be fun. oh, and for sure there would be congestion pricing.

i digress. cafe henri has amazing strong coffee, but not burnt like charbucks. just perfectly black. they will even warm your milk for you.



i switch between the lemon and sugar crepe with strawberries, and the lamb marguez sandwich. both excellent. no matter what, i get a tartine. the baguette is soft inside, toasty outside, and served with butter and fresh fruit compote. they also have fresh squeezed orange juice. (careful, the other juices are from bottles).




that picture is icky.

other good things: ham & butter & cornichon sandwich, any omelette, granola & fruit & yogurt, goat cheese & leek crepe, croque monsieur.

marion was pleased she could have a cold glass of chardonnay. at 11am. diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks (alcoholics).



i went there twice this weekend. happy all the time there, except for when this happens:



the restaurant is small. and it's like a mexican standoff when two chair backs hit each other. neither party wants to pull in. they think "why should i? let her pull in." then it gets nasty and pretend laughter erupts and the sitter thrusts back in hysterics banging the back of his chair into the back of your chair right as you sip your extra hot (because the milk was warmed) coffee and it splashes up your nose.

fourth order of business for fraulein president is to change chairs at cafe henri.

grilled lonely with a side of lonely

today was a quiet lunch. just three of us. me, us weekly, and people. i did most of the talking.


we, i mean i (those sluts are concerned with body image), ate at washington square diner. way better than waverly, in my opinion (except waverly has way better fries).

grilled cheese with tomatos, well done.



it was nice being alone. i could think.

think about the hot outfit i was going to wear to my friend's birthday party tonight. is the box still cool? can't be alone forever, you know.

(washington square is on west 4th and 6th ave)

amy amy bo-bamy

stopped by amy's bread on bleecker and leroy to pick up a sack lunch.

internet is down in office so i have to work from home. (because work=surfing the net; therefore...)



amy's food is awesome. their coffee is the best in the city, in my opinion. i have never ever had anything bad there. #1 is the grilled cheese sandwich. it has cilantro, tomatoes, red onion, some spicy tomato paste, and they grill it on a panini press.

i got black bean soup and a mini tuna salad sandwich and a grape fizzy lizzy. all incredibly good. the soup in the picture looks like nutty dog diarreah, but it sure didn't taste like it. (again, cracking up to myself...oh, boy.)



you should knoow that they don't have napkins out. to get a napkin, you have to interrupt someone giving their order or cut the line at the register. i have even asked and they say the manager doesn't like to leave them out because people take them. helloooo! people are supposed to take them! how the fuck else do you blow your snot or wipe food off your face? ugh.

also, if you want to get a job there, make sure your IQ is less than 58 and your smiling muscles are permanently paralized.

for dessert, nutella and peanut butter on a spoon. please excuse the black eyes. i was up late last night sending dirty texts to an out of town friend. guys are so dumb. listen up, pervs: if you ask a girl if she's naked, and she says, "oooh, yeah. you know it." what she really means is she's wearing ugly pj's and anti wrinkle cream, the tv is on, and her dog is playing with a chew toy right next to her. she might, might also be picking at her dry heels. how is THAT for hot?

amy's bread

glutton for punishment

i wish i could say i stick to the never returning to a bad restaurant thing, but seriously? in new york? who has the time.

GEMMA. again. why do i do this to my taste buds/bowels?

off of an 11" x 14" menu, there was literally only one thing i could stomach stomaching.



you know what that is? egg. mayonnaise. white bread (no crusts). kind of hard to fuck that one up, no?

i ate half of it. the other half found it's way all over my face and then i rubbed the rest on my tits while the other al fresco diners watched in horror. or amazement. or probably jealousy that i was such a wild, uninhibited soul while saying to each other, "tee hee, oh my. only in new york city, dear! only in new york! i told you staying on the bowery would be fun! every one is just so free here!"





and to wash it all down, a home made sprite. lemon, lime, soda, and a sugar cube. we invented it. it's pretty.



the sandwich was $7. no idea how much anything else there is.

noho star.

that's one star.

no, just kidding. the food at this place is good. but something about it bothers me. whatever, who am i kidding. i am not the most pleasant person and there is ALWAYS something that bothers me.

i asked for iced tea. it was some jasmin green tea bullshit. green tea is BITTER and doesn't taste good. poison is not refreshing.

we split a tuna salad sandwich. of course i loved it because it had mayonnaise on it. tuna, avocado, tomato, mayo on toated whole wheat bread.



it was small though. we had a side of fries. GREAT fries. but i think i discovered i can't eat fried foods. you know...why.




still though. i can't believe we split a tiny sandwich, fries, and one poison tea and it came to $20. that is insane.

noho star

grey dog

grey dog coffee. i don't really know what to say about this place. i see what they are going for, but i just don't buy it.

another menu that tickles my panic nerve. the sandwiches are numbered and you have to order by number and then you decide what kind of bread and then you stand in line and you pay in line and people are bumping into you and if you want water you have to get it yourself from the stupid cooler using those cheap plastic cups and then you claw your way to an empty table and wait for someone to say "CANDICE!" and then you stand up so they can see you flag them over and then they deposit your order on your tiny table and you realize you need ketchup....which is all the way on the other side of the crowded restaurant.



some other annoyances:

1) there is an arrow on a sign that reads "refills." but you have to pay for refills. refill rhymes with freefill. so you don't pay for a freefill. other wise it's a payforanewfill. a new fill. not a REfill.

2) the red stuff in the tabasco bottles is NOT tabasco. it is texas pete's cayenne pepper sauce. if you know, you know. big difference. and why the dupe? why not just keep the texas pete's in the texas pete's bottle?



i hated my soup. minestrone. it wasn't soup. it was thick tomato paste with some zuchhini and macaroni noodles. um, yah.

the sandwich was in inedible, too. unless your mouth opens as wide as lindsey lohans. or have all your front teeth pulled like the hookers in third world countries.

foul mood much? yes. i hate you. and you, and you, and you.

(grey dog coffee is on carmine street between bedford and bleecker)

Fanelli's

fanelli's. corner of mercer and prince.



veggie burger. i don't know...i remembered it being awesome. but i think that is because i was drunk. before. i drink a lot.



this time, being sober and eating it in the daylight was a totally different experience. i don't think i will do it again.

but the onion rings there are so good. does getting older mean processing grease is harder? because right now i feel like i have canola oil coursing through my veins. and oozing out my pores. and all of a sudden i need to shampoo my hair again.

eh...whatever.

vietnamese sandwiches

i have been meaning to try this place since i moved to nyc.

one of my drinking buddies, nick (hot, architect, sweet...ladies--email me if you are interested), is half vietnamese half american. his dad was in the army during the vietnamese war. you do the math.

he showed us the way to yummy yummy baguette land. it was like willy wonka but instead of chocolate rivers, there were sriracha rivers, and instead of lollipop flowers, there were cilantro trees. you get the idea...

OMG is it good. we ordered one of every sandwhich on the menu. (only about 10).

this place is unbelievable. and i don't think it's just that i was drunk...

they have fresh coconut water, crazy pastries, ice cream... i couldn't even process it and it was such a small little store.

sandwiches were around $3.



also, for my prep school friends, DO YOU REMEMBER THESE? holy shit. orange sorbet push pops. we used to eat these in 8th grade. knowing full well that our licking big orange logs that are the exact same size as a dong would drive our prepubescent boy classmates crazy.

so cruel.

cool blue

today i had to wait for a couch to be delivered at my friends house. a fake meis van der rohe looking thing. but it works.

i ordered from this crazy sign restaurant called KOOL BLOO. yes. that is how it's spelled. you know, for fun.

sometimes i get on this no meat kick because i get grossed out. by chomping on flesh.

i ordered a black bean veggie wrap. it was mostly lettuce and unsalted black beans. and the salsa was just tomato sauce with some peppers or something.





remember that pace picante sauce commercial, where the cowboys go,

"this stuffs made in new york city!"
"new york city??"
"get a rope..."

maybe they only played that in texas, but it is so true.

well, i didn't really eat the wrap. but the chocolate milkshake was SO SO GOOD.




um, ok. that's it.

EAT FRESH

oh, yes. neither rain, nor record breaking august cold weather will keep me from the finest cuisine in town.



subway. i rode my 6" subway all the way to happy town.

i remember eating subway long before the days of Jared, the bulemic spokesperson for the joint.

i remember eating subway when the franchise's standard decor included wallpaper with a toile-like pattern of victorian women on train platforms.

did you know that subway is the largest fast food franchise in the world? that is el mundo, for you adan.

now, the only thing i will eat at subway is the veggie and cheese combo. i certainly don't trust their deli meats and i would rather eat the spit on the floor outside the crosby street methadone clinic than eat their "chicken" or "meat balls". wait, that's not true. i wouldn't eat spit first. that's disgusting.




honey oat bread, provalone, lettuce, tomato, green peppers, cucumbers, olives, salt and pepper, and oil and vinegar. deeeelish.

soraya and i each got one, plus a big root beer, and chips. $8!!!

today we were annoyed with these loud, big, hair gelled ruskies who kept knocking into soraya. so i shook my wet umbrella on his pants when he wasn't looking. tee hee, that was funny.



but it was NOT funny when he asked if she was married. she flipped out!!

soraya: "no! am not fucking married!"
ruskie: "take it easy!'
soraya: "you are rude and obnoxious!"
ruskie: "what is your problem?
...CANDICE: "you have no sense of space!!!"

ha. that showed them.

p.s. both this subway and the subway by west 4th are owned by indian families. cute.

scratch that. i ate.

got a sandwich at thompson cafe. veggie delight. the bread was good. cash only.

was really excited to eat it, but when i got to my friends house, THIS happened.



i don't know how this is possible. you have to be some sort of a surgeon to cut through every layer of a sandwich EXCEPT the last piece of bread. it was totally unscathed. luckily--and i mean so luckily--my friend had a big bread knife, so i finished the job. not my job, their job, but i did it.

it was good. i liked it because it was light and small. it wasn't too big or had weird ingredients to compensate for a lack of taste--like some places do.

i recommend this place. but be careful when you ask for ice. every time i do they let out a big sigh...why? i have no idea.

Olive you

kelly and ping, baaaad.

olive's, deeeeeecent.




too much drama for lunch today. so olives was the next food selling box we walked by. don't be intimidated by the seeming lack of organization. the line moves at a zen like pace and beginners needn't feel shy.

the tomatos are bright red and the lettuce is crispy. the lemonade is cold and tart and they happily let me charge all the food. i also had some sort of orzo salad.



one caveat. the cookie tasted like cardboard. it may be that i am a little partial to hampton chutney company. that is a whole other story, though.

olive's

goes right through you

i don't feel so good. today i ate at soho park. that totally out of place, like it should be in la, restaurant on the corner of prince and lafayette.

it's kinda pricy, but their burgers are good. they taste like high end whoppers--if that is even possible. it's their secret mayonnaisy sauce. the fries are cut fresh and they have sea salt on them.

and, of course, they take american express.



i didn't get a cupcake today, but they are to die for. I MEAN, TO DIE FOR. (the vanilla, not the chocolate. the chocolate is not to die for. not even to get a sprained ankle for.)



that is my intern stephanie. she is going to kill me. she had an "eh" chicken pallard sandwich. we both agreed that not having lopsided chicken (you know, like the fat part of the breast on one side and just bun on the other) was worth the $9.75. (little slut gets her lunch paid for, of course she thinks it's worth it)





i have no idea who that guy is. but his corn looked good. i asked if i could take his picture for my website. he was like, "what website?" without hesitation i said, "soholunch." i left out the "blogspot" part so he would feel like he was contributing to something important. not to my daily distraction that keeps me from having to go to therapy to talk about my problems.

problems like still no word from the boy....

oh, and the feeling not so good thing after eating happens to me a lot. i keep immodium in my desk drawer.

what...? too much information?

soho park