prince street cafe

there are 3 restaurants in a row on prince that i have wanted to try. we sat down at jaques but were the only americans. since we didn't have a map and a camera or felt the need to order coke without ice, we hit the next one. looked a little sterile, so we kept going to prince street cafe.

we couldn't quite put our finger on the ambiance there. the decor was a bit late 90's, the menu was extensive, and the bathroom was out of toilet paper.

we each ordered the half soup/sandwich special. i the split pea and ham sandwich, she the butternut squash and smoked turkey.

the soup was really salty. and she got more in her bowl than i, so that was bothersome. the sandwiches were just...so...like, nothing. they weren't bad, they weren't good.

all in all, we won't go back. let's put it that way.

then a stroll in the beautiful weather and a latte at cafe gitan from the to go window.

this weather is unbelievable.



the new york times used MY BLOG in the link to rockaway taco in a piece on david selig.


now, look for the "rockaway taco." then there i am!


cafe colonial again

today is a great day, because after an hour or so of being a sourpuss, i ran into someone that is a sweetheart and made me smile again.

cafe colonial is fucking bullshit. we ordered that brazilian cheese bread and asked it to come first, they never came. we ordered 2 plates of brazilian beans. only one arrived. we ordered sweet potato fries, and instead came yucca fries. we told him that we didn't order that, that we ordered sweet potato fries. he said these were like sweet potato fries, cause yucca's are sweet.

floored, we proceeded to ARGUE with him that yuccas are not sweet potato fries. that sweet potatoes were orange. he insisted these were a close cousin.

are you fucking joking? if you ordered lamb chops and i brought you pork chops, i would never try to convince you that they were the same thing.

re.tard. re. tard. ed.

of course tod left him a 15% tip. i would have dashed on that shit.



here are some poems i wrote once. don't laugh. i was stoned on ambien. years ago.

"still is only the love i one, maybe never but always anyway."

eh? ehhh? good right? ha.

"so all we have is now and later is not yet, but thoughts of later are now so we have that."

oh yeah, that's a winner.

great jones spa

my partner is hung over so all my dreams of vietnamese noodles went out the window.

went to great jones spa to their little health food place for a sandwich. they are so painfully slow. to manage the wait while they prepared my sammy i sat out on the curb in the sun. after what i considered ample time, i went in only to find they hadn't even started preparing it.

i ordered a chicken and avocado sandwich which is made of organic roast chicken, avocado, lettuce, sprouts, tomato, and veggieanaise on toasted 7 grain bread.

the chicken comes from a vacuum sealed bag, presliced. gross. so it's all slimy.

they forgot sprouts. the forgot salt and pepper.

the toast part was good.

oh, and they were giving away free green tee. so that made it not so bad.



p.s. for those of you who don't belie'dat i did the rockaway bikini contest. check it.


if anyone knows him. i'd like to meet him. please.

i heard he doesn't shower which i think is the hottest thing ever. i love stinky armpits. not joking at all.

bus driver, MOVE THAT BUS...!

the big reveal...SHORTS!

there he is, folks. and to my friends who were convinced shorts was an alias for my ex...well now you know.

shorts grew up in stuy town. his parents live in his grandparents rent stabilized apartment, which means with annual raises they pay about a $3 month. crazy.

i had to have a glass of wine, just cause i was nervous about pauses in the conversation. chardonnay=lots and lots of verbal diarreah. and yes, i put ice in my white wine. you know why? cause owning your decisions is classy. so fuck it. i've also been known to put ice my beer. and milk. and coke. and water. and underpants.

he is super nice and married (wha wha wha...). we came up with an awesome business plan that will hopefully make him rich.

we went to the new cafeteria on prince street and lafayette called delicatessan. you could tell it was owned by the same guys because it had that clorox smell and horrible n-tsa n-tsa music.

the best thing we ordered was the cheeseburger spring rolls...whaaaat? yup. SO GOOD.

this deep throating phallic food thing, i think i'm getting too old. or it's getting too old. kiss it goodbye.

he got omelet, boring. i got salmon which only confirmed that i absolutely HATE salmon unless it's smoked and on a bagel with cream cheese. i hate salmon. especially this salmon.

we couldn't do dessert cause i am just too blubbery.

so i got a huge oatmeal raisin cookie on the way home, had a bite, then threw it away. hoorah for will power.

all in all it was a good place for what it aims to be. i'm not sure what that is, but whatever it is it is. the menu is neat, the wide open windows are great, blah blah blah.

let's see how cute it is once it's broken in and dirty after winter.



FUCK THAT (insult redacted) AT CAFE COLONIAL

i go there at least 3 times a month. i never once ordered delivery, in fact i pick it up in person when i want it to go.

today i called for delivery. i said my street name, which is one of those fucking streets in noho that is the same parallel as a numbered street but no one knows where it is.

he said is it near canal?
i said no, it's the same as third street.
he said hold on.
he came back and said it's too far.
i said are you kidding? it's 3 blocks north of you.
he said i'm sorry miss it's too far.
i said come on, i broke my leg and i can't come in please.
he said i'm sorry she said it's too far.
so i said, that fucking bitch and hung up the phone.

then i called back and asked to speak to the owner
he said no because he heard me say a bad word.
i said are you kidding? i know who she is. let me speak to her.
he said no she wasn't there
i said i know she's there she's there everyday (REDACTED)
he said no she's gone for a few weeks.
he said he knows i said a bad word.

so i went on their website and sent them a nasty email.

(REDACTED). the website said it delivers up to 4 blocks north.
i wrote that they shouldn't lie on their website.

anyway. my intern had to stop me from walking over there to raise hell. cause i would. and i still might.

i ordered rice delivery instead.

feel free to send them hate email. (PLEASE DON'T SEND HATE EMAIL, SHE WAS NICE).


Dear Customer,

I am so sorry for what happenned. It is not easy to find good reliable workers, cafe clonial is going thru a transition of workers and a lot of the new people live in queens or Brooklyn, they may not know Great Jones.
It is also thru we don't have a manager at all times in the place; we operate for 16 hours a day. August is a month that managers and owners goes away since it is the quitest month.

I hope you will feel better and I will try to draw a map to workers with the name of streets, but again a lot of our workers are new; you would be surprise but a lot of people no longer want to work in the restaurant industry or be in the city for that matter ( rents are expensive and cost of living). I am not in the city at the moment, I"ll be back by the end of August and I will address this issue.

Thank you for letting us know

(XXXX)/cafe colonial


i flakedd

shorts, as i write this i am still drunk on frozen pina coladas with floaters and sinkers from last night. i entered the bikini contest at connellys in rockaway last night. makes perfect sense for a 30 year old who doesn't excersice (i tried to speel that 3 ways and couldnt get it right). i talked a big talk about it for weeks, so i had to follow through. i just had to.

apparently i got disqualified but won the popular vote. so like al gore i won but i didn't really win.

did i mention i am still drunk?


not done

i swear i'm still here. just been distracted.

shorts, it's now or never. for the sake of the blog, you must meet me for lunch. it's just about the only thing inspiring me to keep going.