peter luger

i intensly dislike this place. i remember not liking it the first time i went, and this last trip confirmed it.

now listen, in my house growing up, we weren't a chicken and rice kind of family. it was steak. steak, baked potatoes, and baked beans. that was our dinner 3 out of 5 weeknights. i ate the fat. i chewed on the bones. from the time i was a baby. i didn't have a pacifier, i had a t-bone.

so i'd like to say i know a thing or two about meat.

peter luger's meat is not cooked deliciously. the reason they push their sauce is cause it masks how unflavored their meat it. sure. put ketchup on anything and it tastes better. same there.

beefsteak tomatoes? boring. beefsteak tomatoes with sauce? yum!

semi stale dinner rolls? fuck that--stale. they were hard as rocks. boring. semi stale dinner rolls with sauce? yum!

completely raw-cold inside cow? boring. you get the point.

the kicker is that when they give you your leftovers, they won't let you pour any leftover sauce on it. don't fuck with me. i just spent $180 on your crappy stale rolls, limp canned spinach, and cow, and you want me to BUY a bottle of your glorified cocktail sauce. bite me.

plus that new extension they put on the place is straight outta home depot. and when i am paying $84 for a slice of bovine flesh, i'd like to see real wood panelling, not particle board. they don't take credit cards either, unless it's a "peter luger" credit card. puh-lease. ya, then go to the only ATM machine on the block where the surcharge is $3.99.

anyone who says peter luger is the best steak in the city is full of shit. full stop. my dog liked it though.

now, i hope the mobsters that run that joint don't come looking for me.

peter luger


soooo bored

so bored with lunch. so fucking bored. i need new lunch friends.

maybe it's just PMS. whatever it is, it's compounded with PMS so uuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrr.

you men have absolutely no idea. fatigue, cravings, cramps, anger. it's just punishment. all that for at least 4 days and then another four of blood. bloody mess. like, if you cough, you bleed. if you sneeze, you bleed. if you wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, major bleed cause it's been collecting and pooling in your uterus while you were lying down.

then you shove bleached, compressed cotton inside your body. INSIDE. and it just sits there. for hours.

the whole thing is just disgusting.

gotta medicate. pot cookies anyone?



i ate lunch. but i'm keeping it a secret.



i am skipping lunch because i shimbo got me a holga camera!

it's so simple that it is impossible to figure out, and studying it i cutting into my eating time.



i know this place has been here for years, but i never went.

cause, well, i just figured it would be horrible like any other themed restaurant, or any other restaurant in soho.

but i heard good things, and when my friend shimbo told me he was paying for lunch, i thought i'd give it a whirl.

went to the gym again...dayamn look at those gams!

but not wanting to eat bad after doing good, i knew i was gonna have to forego the #1 burger in manhattan (according to some poll).

i felt like i was in my dad's sailboat but this place was much nicer. and bigger. and there were waiters to serve you fancy things, and the toilets flushed without a bilge pump. it's amazing what a good job they did, though.

even the floors look like a ship deck. poop deck. ha. poop.

here is shimbo. i'm kinda sad i didn't get a shot of his face cause he is a very attractive guy. i mean, come on...check out that hair! ladies, shimbo is single and wildly successful. like mogul successful; but he comes from west virginia so a nice well rounded package.

we had yellowtail and salmon sashimi and their house roll: lobster tempura and spicy tuna on top (i think). the roll was good, and the salmon was incredible. clean and soft and just melted in your mouth.

i had a tuna burger (not the famous beef one, the healthier tuna one) and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD was it good. i mean AMAZINGLY GOOD. the bun was sweet, like challah kind of, there was a mound of dark green, not wet lettuce, and layers of deep red tomatoes, and some wasabi mayonnaise stuff. i mean, i can't even explain how good.

the lemonade came with fresh muddled mint and they kept refilling my iced tea.

shimbo and i had a great time and the place is awesome. i want to go to the bar for cocktails tonight. anyone interested?

thank you jive ass turkey

a commenter gave me the greatest gift today. my blog in jive. HILARIOUS.

sohizzle fo'shizzle


starbucks cleanse

i went to the gym again (yay!) and i don't want to undo the good i did. so i am fasting. cleansing. my own version. fuck lemon juice and cayenne pepper (although, that really sounds delicious and i'm being sincere).

i am on a starbucks iced coffee liquid diet. for the moment. for today. for lunch. ok fine, until i feel weak and need to eat chipotle for energy.



scott's lobster dock

now listen, i don't wanna fucking hear it. i went to new london to hang out with my ex and my ex kid and his fam and i had a great time. don't email me about it, don't call me about it, don't even look at me.


boy do i love new london. it's the exact opposite of manhattan. small buildings, empty streets, fat people, everyone's got kids and they're younger than me, big shiny new plastic cars, ice cream trucks that aren't mr. softee, seagulls, new england accents, smiles, motorcyclists on hogs with no helmets, i just LOVE it.

i've spent enough time there that i feel like it's one of my homes. i know exactly how many miles it takes to get there, and how long i'll be in the car, and which mcdonalds service station to stop off at if i need to, and my way around town. i even know shortcuts.

here is the beach. it's private. you have to belong to a coop to sit on it, hence it's perfectly clean sand. it's like the land that time forgot.

there are two places to eat. muddy waters for breakfast and lunch on bank street. and then there's scott's lobster dock.

normally we get 3 things: hot lobster roll, cold lobster roll, and boiled potatoes for the child. (it's not as punishment, he is a very picky vegetarian).

but as i was waiting in line, i keep eyeing things other people are picking up from the window. so, since i never know the next time i'll talk to my host family again will be, i decide to order everything i want. just in case.

don't you look at me that way, i'm doing it.

and they take amex!

oh, no.

oh, no. i think i forgot something, something good.


inside the belly of the beast.

oh, yes. oh. yes.

we did a little damage. my fingers still smell like crab.

hoorah for NL!

hoorah for candice!

bloody thighs

today i was riding on a wet bicycle seat. sounds hot right? not really. not when your wearing a dress and your ass is wet and your thighs are chafing with every push of the peddle.

why does this matter, you ask? isn't this bolg about stories revolving around food, you wonder? well, hold up. here's why it's significant.

i walk dowstairs to get a cup of strong, steaming hot coffee from the little food-shop-in-a-spa downstairs. the sign said closed, but the operating hours are 9:30am to 7pm. it was now 10:20am. this would normally piss my off, but now i was pissed and panicky cause it meant walking all the way to the end of the block, and halfway down another to the deli for weak, luke warm coffee. and every step i took burned. i needed vaseline like a marathon runner.

so now i sit, with my legs spread, drinking room temp sour coffee, cursing irresponsible cafes. that's all.

some notes on the drawing:

this could either be a 12 year old with green pubes and her first period.
me with a wishful thinking hip measurement and an ouchie.


chili as a reward

i went to the gym today. that's two days in a row and 3 days this week.

so i deserved chili from jone's. with cheese. and sour cream. and a coke. (oh boy, i am really bad at this). they were really excited to see me.


who reads this thing?

following is copied from the comments on my fresco taco post. hilarious.

dr. taco said...
The NY/NJ triads take their cut straight off the top. There is no quality control. Dogs, cats, rats and whatever else happens to be around will wind up in your taco, not to mention the fact that those places take USDA grade c and below meat (usda rankings a joke anyway, they riot about our beef imports in other countries) but since I see on your blog that you eat mcdonalds I understand why my friendly exhortation would fall onto deaf ears. Can I get my taco with a side of hormones? Thanks.

Dr. Taco

7/10/08 6:21 PM

concerned citizen said...
Don't trust this Dr. Taco. He's not even a doctor. He hardly made it through Taco undergrad.

gym stalker

ugh, my friend sent me this picture this morning.

that was me a few weeks after my first divorce. that long hair! that skinny face! i was wearing high heels! i've really let myself go. i gotta realize i can't eat chinese mexican food and ever look that good again.

now i'm gonna go to the gym to actually work out, not just to stalk my hot ex. yep. gotta get hot to find ex husband number two.

meeting howard for lunch today at the spotted pig. oh, brother. gonna be tough to stay away from that burger. and that chopped liver on toast, mmmm...


wow that was a long break

fresh tortillas
fresco taco
fresco tortilla tacos

any variation, it's all the same. i was really upset when i first moved to nyc and ate at one of these places. but over the years, i've come to accept that it's not mexican food and i shouldn't hold it up to those standards. it's in a class of its own, and it's not that bad.

i am cashless, so i had to order 10 bucks worth of food for credit card usage, which is hard when the most expensive thing i ordered was 3.25.

1 black bean soft taco (black beans on a tortilla)
1 black bean hard taco (black beans, cheddar cheese, tomatoes, lettuce in a crispy taco shell)
1 fajita steak guacamole (sliced steak, onions, some avocado saucey stuff on a tortilla)
1 fajita steak nachos (didn't even open the box, so i don't know)
1 root beer.

so good. really, it is so good. except i gave the steak stuff to my dog. she seemed to like it.



lunch was jerky. and lots of erasure sing a longs.

anyone want to eat with me tomorrow?