fried hamburger

in memphis, besides not eating one piece of fresh fruit or vegetabe for 4 days, i decided it'd be a good idea to eat a fried hamburger. fried, you say? yup. a dyers famous fried hamburger.

basically the same vat of grease has been frying patties for nearly 100 years. no joke. they make a patty and drop it in a deep fryer. some people, people who like to piss out their ass for a few more days than i did, dip the buns in the grease too.

the waitress, who wore an ipod (didn't take her ear buds out) and walked on her tippy toes, told me to go for the double double. that's doube meat and doube cheese. cause the patties are thin. so i did that. and had jaapenos, too. but when she asked if i wanted a combo with fries, i was like--what the hell do i look like? some sort of pig? she gave them to me anyway "on the house." gee thanks. this house had floors so caked in grease that your feet slid when you walked.

that burger was INSANE. so good. but not as insane as the sick i felt for the next 6-8 hours. i mean, al my veins hurt. i don't think it was worth it. just the feeling negated all the deliciousness.

oh, and by the way, i wanted to make it a chili burger...but they were out of chili. blessing? who knows.


i finally finished diarreah on thursday. at least my tummy is completely flat now. empty and flat.


i mean, what?

here is me singing to whitney houston's "all at once" but the audio didn't work. i think. i'm sure.

whatever. if anything it can remind you how silly i am. cause i am.


caliente, you fuck

so, i went for happy hours (-sssss).

rob's mad cause i'm i bitch when i think guys like me. but they should know that's my M.O. to suss out the weaklings.

got peckish. came home alone (cause rob's mad. but prolly better cause my house is a stye) and as i passed the big margarita glass in the sky--otherwise known as caliente cab company--i realized all i wanted was salty cheesy crispy cheesy pickled jalapeno goodness. so i stopped. i ordered. i went to the bathroom.

they have black toilets. which is really bad for puke. which the girl in front of me did. in the toilet i wanted to pee in. i did NOT pee. but i took a pic.

i came out looking at my camera on my phone and the jersey girl who walked in saw me looking at the pics. i said, "oh, sorry. i was just trying to take a cute pic for my boyfriend. but i can't get it right." she said she'd help and no, not to worry, she does it all the time and not to be shy... breath in...suck in...arch back...lift up the shirt. oh, well, it's cute but you're laughing, do you want to try again? HHAHAHAHAH!



listen, blogging is supposed to be fun.

i don't blog when i feel like it's work to do so.

i had a book agent tell me she was certain she could find me a deal. i said GREAT!

she said, write a couple pages and i'll shop it around.

that's work. no. not fun.

that's all!!



i just wrote a really long post about artists and how i hate them all because every single one i've had a relationship with on any level--friends, lovers, etc...- is a liar. legitimate liar. like, watch me...cause right now....here it comes...LIE. "i don't know whose underwear those are" "my girlfriend has no idea i say that about her, so if you ever meet her..." "my dick is 8" long" "TRUST ME."

just a caveat.

better off with bankers. at least they tell you the truth when they come home from a strip club smelling like strawberries and cream.

and that was the edited down post.

la la la laaaahhh!



i have a new crush. i mean, really. really?

yes. i do.

you'll see.

i re-pierced my 2nd and 3rd hole on my left ear. i had pierced them before in college with my friend courtney. both at the same time at claire's boutique in austin. needless to say i took the earrings out after a few weeks cause i hated them.

but rather than destruct any more real estate on my body, i decided to just repierce them. now i know what you skanky bitches are saying. 'just stick the earring in cause the holes don't close'. WRONG. they were closed shut. and the last one was through cartilage. yep right through it. so hurt just as bad as the fucking ring at the top of the ear.

anyscrew, i did this on tuesday and today i tried to change out the jewelry cause i didn't like the order of my studs. ignoring the fact that i had been bleeding from the trauma for two days. it just didn't stop bleeding. well, now i cant get them back in and i had to put old big diamonds in there cause those were the only stud earrings i had available with long posts. i am a retard.