no. i said uhaul. not me.

my babies. moving offices today.

NORTH OF HOUSTON! gasp!

no worries. just a few blocks up. still eating in the hood.

mwah!

Fanelli's

fanelli's. corner of mercer and prince.



veggie burger. i don't know...i remembered it being awesome. but i think that is because i was drunk. before. i drink a lot.



this time, being sober and eating it in the daylight was a totally different experience. i don't think i will do it again.

but the onion rings there are so good. does getting older mean processing grease is harder? because right now i feel like i have canola oil coursing through my veins. and oozing out my pores. and all of a sudden i need to shampoo my hair again.

eh...whatever.

shalom

being a texan, i know mexican food.

being a jew, well...i hate kosher food. but this place ROX!

there are only 2 reasons you would find yourself in the diamond disctrict.

1) you are looking for an engagement ring
2) you are looking to hock a gold chain to pay for crack

but, should you indeed find yourself there, i highly recommend this place




i also highly recommend saying hi to this guy (he wears the camo yarmulka--so he's hard find. ha.)




i would also get the falafel platter. for $8.95 you get 6 balls and ALL the salad stuff you want. you can fill up 6 little plates if you want to. i think i figured out why their balls are the best. they are fluffy and sour. lots of lemon juice. this place is way better than "rainbow falafel" in union square. balls. balls. balls.




they have diet dr. pepper, too. which is awesome. and they take amex. i am thisclose to my upper class ticket on virgin atlantic.

lots of hot single jewish men. but they don't look at me because they can tell i am not a virgin by the tank tops i wear. and the tattoo on my wrist freaks them out because they know i can't be buried next to them.

by the way, the fact that i care about how much lunch costs is merely based on principal. not on any sort of cultural stereotype. same for my nose job. and my allowence. and my tanning membership. and my bmw. (just kidding, i don't have an allowence, tanning membership, or a bmw).

kosher deluxe. 46th street between 5th and 6th ave

dean and de-puke-a

i am so angry and sad today, i wish i was a heroin addict so i could never feel anything.

i went to dean and deluca and i swear it makes me want to add meth to that so i have an excuse when i murder everyone in there.

i am currently eating the worst pasta i have eaten in my LIFE. my 8 year old niece could have done a better job.



behind me in line was a thick girl from chicago talking on her cell phone right in my ear. i even plugged my ears with my fingers like a baby to let her know how annoying she was. i noticed she had two slices of rare steak in a clear box. atkins much? here is a clue. eat two gallons of ice cream and then puke it up. it might work better than that no-carb bullshit.

when i chose this poisonous penne there was a close breather next to me. like, following me and stretching her neck past me to get a closer look at the food. i could smell her laundry detergent she was so near. grody.

then, at the checkout there was a woman in her work out gear--head to toe. but she was buying 18 sushi pieces (that's two whole containers) AND a big chicken salad sandwich. and she asked for mayonnaise. she better keep that work out gear on.

seriously though. i should be shot and put out of my misery. maybe i should pull an owen wilson and then we can be friends in recovery. (too soon?)

by the way, here is the recipe for the pasta i am eating:

penne
oil
cream
green peppers
cajun spices
spring onions (what!!?)
gasoline

no, i swear. gasoline.


peace.



P.S. HERE IS HOW MUCH GREASE WAS IN THE BOTTOM OF THE TUB (WHICH WAS ONLY HALF FULL OF PASTA)

lovely day

hi. don't these two look like they are having a fucking un-lovely day? we ate there yesterday.

that is brad k. he is an artist. a real one. like he has a book of his work and sells stuff at deitch gallery.

this place is pretty good. but my green curry was so spicy i couldn't eat it. but to their credit, the cocunut milk was thick--most places water it down.



pad thai good too.

sorry. feeling so average today. it might be all my meds. can't cry, can't laugh.

lovely day

vietnamese sandwiches

i have been meaning to try this place since i moved to nyc.

one of my drinking buddies, nick (hot, architect, sweet...ladies--email me if you are interested), is half vietnamese half american. his dad was in the army during the vietnamese war. you do the math.

he showed us the way to yummy yummy baguette land. it was like willy wonka but instead of chocolate rivers, there were sriracha rivers, and instead of lollipop flowers, there were cilantro trees. you get the idea...

OMG is it good. we ordered one of every sandwhich on the menu. (only about 10).

this place is unbelievable. and i don't think it's just that i was drunk...

they have fresh coconut water, crazy pastries, ice cream... i couldn't even process it and it was such a small little store.

sandwiches were around $3.



also, for my prep school friends, DO YOU REMEMBER THESE? holy shit. orange sorbet push pops. we used to eat these in 8th grade. knowing full well that our licking big orange logs that are the exact same size as a dong would drive our prepubescent boy classmates crazy.

so cruel.

sunday drinking

sometimes, when the weekend is long, and you are lonely because you have no partner in crime that is more than just a friend, you have to drink drink drink until it's time for bed on sunday night.

enter spring street lounge. the place with the sharks.

i left texas to get away from drunk dorks, but i guess you take the girl outta texas, but you can't blah blah blah.

(by the way, ny is just the same except the drunk dorks aren't as cute and and don't hold doors for you, and they dress like they are in kindergarten--i think they call that look "hipster"?)

regardless. it was nice to be with friends who were also lonely and bored.

cool blue

today i had to wait for a couch to be delivered at my friends house. a fake meis van der rohe looking thing. but it works.

i ordered from this crazy sign restaurant called KOOL BLOO. yes. that is how it's spelled. you know, for fun.

sometimes i get on this no meat kick because i get grossed out. by chomping on flesh.

i ordered a black bean veggie wrap. it was mostly lettuce and unsalted black beans. and the salsa was just tomato sauce with some peppers or something.





remember that pace picante sauce commercial, where the cowboys go,

"this stuffs made in new york city!"
"new york city??"
"get a rope..."

maybe they only played that in texas, but it is so true.

well, i didn't really eat the wrap. but the chocolate milkshake was SO SO GOOD.




um, ok. that's it.

looking rough

so, i want to just explain--for those of you who know me--why i am looking so rough these past few days.

i can't sleep. it's that simple, too.

the puffy eyes, the pale skin. it's not working.

i guess i could put on some mascara? i'll try that tomorrow.

give me a few days and i'll be back to normal. normal. like last month, when this picture of me was taken. in the steam room at equinox soho.

(what...? you don't believe me? FUCK YOU.)

EAT FRESH

oh, yes. neither rain, nor record breaking august cold weather will keep me from the finest cuisine in town.



subway. i rode my 6" subway all the way to happy town.

i remember eating subway long before the days of Jared, the bulemic spokesperson for the joint.

i remember eating subway when the franchise's standard decor included wallpaper with a toile-like pattern of victorian women on train platforms.

did you know that subway is the largest fast food franchise in the world? that is el mundo, for you adan.

now, the only thing i will eat at subway is the veggie and cheese combo. i certainly don't trust their deli meats and i would rather eat the spit on the floor outside the crosby street methadone clinic than eat their "chicken" or "meat balls". wait, that's not true. i wouldn't eat spit first. that's disgusting.




honey oat bread, provalone, lettuce, tomato, green peppers, cucumbers, olives, salt and pepper, and oil and vinegar. deeeelish.

soraya and i each got one, plus a big root beer, and chips. $8!!!

today we were annoyed with these loud, big, hair gelled ruskies who kept knocking into soraya. so i shook my wet umbrella on his pants when he wasn't looking. tee hee, that was funny.



but it was NOT funny when he asked if she was married. she flipped out!!

soraya: "no! am not fucking married!"
ruskie: "take it easy!'
soraya: "you are rude and obnoxious!"
ruskie: "what is your problem?
...CANDICE: "you have no sense of space!!!"

ha. that showed them.

p.s. both this subway and the subway by west 4th are owned by indian families. cute.

cookie monsters

hampton chutney company

stinky stinky
rude rude
slow slow



but my god, their cookies are un-fucking-believable.

the best i have ever eaten in my whole entire life. no joke.

CAVEAT!!! you must get the undercooked ones.

cafe gitane

the little restaurant with a french name, but exclusively australian waitresses.

well, mostly.

if you don't know this place, then you are a dork.



the watermelon juice is amazing for hangovers.

BOY

so...

if a boy says, "let's take a break"
and then goes away 2 days later to texas with another girl
a girl he had slept with before.
that would be cheating, right?

and if, on that trip to texas
he and the girl stayed at the four seasons
and that is the same hotel you stayed at the night you got married
that would be a dick move, right?

yes, well. that is what happened.

awesome.

rice

ordered rice delivery. it was fast. cash only. lentils and brown rice. the rice krispy treats were stale.

i am in a really bad mood. gotta go.

rice

apple hoggers

so, SOMEBODY...i am not saying who (me)...spilled a grapefruit fizzy lizzy all over their keyboard. i thought the sticky keys would get less sticky with time, but that isn't true and i started typing like thisssssssssssssssssssss.

went to mac store.

WHAT IS IT WITH THE CREEPY EUROS HOGGING THE COMPUTERS LIKE THE APPLE STORE IS THEIR AMERICAN SATELLITE OFFICE?????

this guy had a hole in his sweater. and not a cool hipster hole. a hole hole. and orthopedic shoes. he was checking his yahoo AND, i swear to god, AND playing george michael videos on youtube on the side of the screen. he had the volume turned up. he kept clicking on a new video each time one ended. you can see it in the picture.




and this guy had his desktop open from an online log in thing and was doing work. then he checked his gmail. then he opened skype and had a conversation in german with someone in germany. das is verboten!




being the calm, sensible bitch i am, i tapped them on their shoulders and told them they were very "RUDE!" i made sure to speak it loudly and slowly (so they would understand) when i said that "some people just want to try out the new keyboards and not do personal work on the computer!"

needless to say they both pretended not to hear me. fuckers.

but here is my shiney new keyboard. isn't she pretty? the keyboard?

scratch that. i ate.

got a sandwich at thompson cafe. veggie delight. the bread was good. cash only.

was really excited to eat it, but when i got to my friends house, THIS happened.



i don't know how this is possible. you have to be some sort of a surgeon to cut through every layer of a sandwich EXCEPT the last piece of bread. it was totally unscathed. luckily--and i mean so luckily--my friend had a big bread knife, so i finished the job. not my job, their job, but i did it.

it was good. i liked it because it was light and small. it wasn't too big or had weird ingredients to compensate for a lack of taste--like some places do.

i recommend this place. but be careful when you ask for ice. every time i do they let out a big sigh...why? i have no idea.

no lunch again!

this is crazy. i started this blog partially because i had too much free time at the office. now i can't even get a bite in.

sorry my babies.

oh, and this coffee was free cause i filled up my punch card. it's the little things in life...

no lunch

work work work. no lunch today.

just a cookie from hampton chutney company.

regarding the boy

i think karl lagerfeld said it best when asked if he had any pets:

"no. the last one died and that is too sad. "

Olive you

kelly and ping, baaaad.

olive's, deeeeeecent.




too much drama for lunch today. so olives was the next food selling box we walked by. don't be intimidated by the seeming lack of organization. the line moves at a zen like pace and beginners needn't feel shy.

the tomatos are bright red and the lettuce is crispy. the lemonade is cold and tart and they happily let me charge all the food. i also had some sort of orzo salad.



one caveat. the cookie tasted like cardboard. it may be that i am a little partial to hampton chutney company. that is a whole other story, though.

olive's

RIP Jerry's

kelley and fuck you

kelley and ping's food is average, at best. their system of ordering is overwhelming and their menu makes my brain hurt.

but, i went there for lunch anyway. after two and a half mini panic attacks about what to get, i decided on the $8.95 spicy bean sprouts. total rip off, but whatever.

meanwhile, the dude in front of me was having his own panic attack.

KELLeY AND PING HAS GONE CASH ONLY.

whaaat? no way. what do we do now?



THEY HAVE A FUCKING ATM INSTALLED IN THE CORNER!!

oh, NO they di-int.

when the manager directed us to the ATM, my friend soraya said it perfectly, " what is this, a strip club?"

amen sistah.

we will take our reward points elswhere.

please note, we weren't the only people to walk out.

aye caramba

yesterday my blackberry wouldn't send my pics...so a day late...


we went to la esquina for tacos. well, i had tacos. it was fucking hot but we sat outside anyway.



these are pretty good. being from texas, i have a very sophisticated palate for mexican food. all my nannies used to cook for me. just kidding. to me, the perfect taco is a corn toritlla, chopped skirt steak marinated in salty salty maggi sauce, chopped cilantro, chopped onions, and lots of lime juice. THAT IS IT. for new york city, this is a pretty good taco. it's got a lot of some kind of gravy, but if you squeeze enough limes on it, you might think you are at a mexican restaurant in new york.



my friend had this sandwich, which was good. chicken, avocado, and chipotle mayo. anything with mayo is good in my book.



we decided we would definately go back because the people watching is so good. cute boys on skateboards, desperate hipsters, wannabe fashionistas. it's all there. this guy was especially funny. he kept going "shhhhh! shhhhhh!" at first i thought i was hearing things, but it's actually this douche. some other funny things that spilled out of his mouth:

"forward! forward! more forward!" (to a truck that he thought could get closer to the crosswalk.
"that dog is wearing a fur coat."
"something, something...eddie marphy [sic]"
"if you want to be a surrogate, the government pays for your prenatal vitamins."

they take amex.

no word from boy.

www.laesquinanyc.com

goes right through you

i don't feel so good. today i ate at soho park. that totally out of place, like it should be in la, restaurant on the corner of prince and lafayette.

it's kinda pricy, but their burgers are good. they taste like high end whoppers--if that is even possible. it's their secret mayonnaisy sauce. the fries are cut fresh and they have sea salt on them.

and, of course, they take american express.



i didn't get a cupcake today, but they are to die for. I MEAN, TO DIE FOR. (the vanilla, not the chocolate. the chocolate is not to die for. not even to get a sprained ankle for.)



that is my intern stephanie. she is going to kill me. she had an "eh" chicken pallard sandwich. we both agreed that not having lopsided chicken (you know, like the fat part of the breast on one side and just bun on the other) was worth the $9.75. (little slut gets her lunch paid for, of course she thinks it's worth it)





i have no idea who that guy is. but his corn looked good. i asked if i could take his picture for my website. he was like, "what website?" without hesitation i said, "soholunch." i left out the "blogspot" part so he would feel like he was contributing to something important. not to my daily distraction that keeps me from having to go to therapy to talk about my problems.

problems like still no word from the boy....

oh, and the feeling not so good thing after eating happens to me a lot. i keep immodium in my desk drawer.

what...? too much information?

soho park