prince street cafe

there are 3 restaurants in a row on prince that i have wanted to try. we sat down at jaques but were the only americans. since we didn't have a map and a camera or felt the need to order coke without ice, we hit the next one. looked a little sterile, so we kept going to prince street cafe.




we couldn't quite put our finger on the ambiance there. the decor was a bit late 90's, the menu was extensive, and the bathroom was out of toilet paper.



we each ordered the half soup/sandwich special. i the split pea and ham sandwich, she the butternut squash and smoked turkey.



the soup was really salty. and she got more in her bowl than i, so that was bothersome. the sandwiches were just...so...like, nothing. they weren't bad, they weren't good.


all in all, we won't go back. let's put it that way.

then a stroll in the beautiful weather and a latte at cafe gitan from the to go window.





this weather is unbelievable.

OMG i'm FAMOUS

the new york times used MY BLOG in the link to rockaway taco in a piece on david selig.

CLICK HERE

now, look for the "rockaway taco." then there i am!

awesome!

cafe colonial again

today is a great day, because after an hour or so of being a sourpuss, i ran into someone that is a sweetheart and made me smile again.

cafe colonial is fucking bullshit. we ordered that brazilian cheese bread and asked it to come first, they never came. we ordered 2 plates of brazilian beans. only one arrived. we ordered sweet potato fries, and instead came yucca fries. we told him that we didn't order that, that we ordered sweet potato fries. he said these were like sweet potato fries, cause yucca's are sweet.

floored, we proceeded to ARGUE with him that yuccas are not sweet potato fries. that sweet potatoes were orange. he insisted these were a close cousin.

are you fucking joking? if you ordered lamb chops and i brought you pork chops, i would never try to convince you that they were the same thing.

re.tard. re. tard. ed.

of course tod left him a 15% tip. i would have dashed on that shit.

poems

here are some poems i wrote once. don't laugh. i was stoned on ambien. years ago.

"still is only the love i one, maybe never but always anyway."

eh? ehhh? good right? ha.

"so all we have is now and later is not yet, but thoughts of later are now so we have that."

oh yeah, that's a winner.

great jones spa

my partner is hung over so all my dreams of vietnamese noodles went out the window.

went to great jones spa to their little health food place for a sandwich. they are so painfully slow. to manage the wait while they prepared my sammy i sat out on the curb in the sun. after what i considered ample time, i went in only to find they hadn't even started preparing it.

i ordered a chicken and avocado sandwich which is made of organic roast chicken, avocado, lettuce, sprouts, tomato, and veggieanaise on toasted 7 grain bread.



the chicken comes from a vacuum sealed bag, presliced. gross. so it's all slimy.

they forgot sprouts. the forgot salt and pepper.

the toast part was good.

oh, and they were giving away free green tee. so that made it not so bad.

proof

p.s. for those of you who don't belie'dat i did the rockaway bikini contest. check it.

matchmaker

if anyone knows him. i'd like to meet him. please.



i heard he doesn't shower which i think is the hottest thing ever. i love stinky armpits. not joking at all.

bus driver, MOVE THAT BUS...!

the big reveal...SHORTS!



there he is, folks. and to my friends who were convinced shorts was an alias for my ex...well now you know.

shorts grew up in stuy town. his parents live in his grandparents rent stabilized apartment, which means with annual raises they pay about a $3 month. crazy.

i had to have a glass of wine, just cause i was nervous about pauses in the conversation. chardonnay=lots and lots of verbal diarreah. and yes, i put ice in my white wine. you know why? cause owning your decisions is classy. so fuck it. i've also been known to put ice my beer. and milk. and coke. and water. and underpants.

he is super nice and married (wha wha wha...). we came up with an awesome business plan that will hopefully make him rich.

we went to the new cafeteria on prince street and lafayette called delicatessan. you could tell it was owned by the same guys because it had that clorox smell and horrible n-tsa n-tsa music.

the best thing we ordered was the cheeseburger spring rolls...whaaaat? yup. SO GOOD.




this deep throating phallic food thing, i think i'm getting too old. or it's getting too old. kiss it goodbye.

he got omelet, boring. i got salmon which only confirmed that i absolutely HATE salmon unless it's smoked and on a bagel with cream cheese. i hate salmon. especially this salmon.





we couldn't do dessert cause i am just too blubbery.

so i got a huge oatmeal raisin cookie on the way home, had a bite, then threw it away. hoorah for will power.

all in all it was a good place for what it aims to be. i'm not sure what that is, but whatever it is it is. the menu is neat, the wide open windows are great, blah blah blah.

let's see how cute it is once it's broken in and dirty after winter.

anticipation

FUCK THAT (insult redacted) AT CAFE COLONIAL

i go there at least 3 times a month. i never once ordered delivery, in fact i pick it up in person when i want it to go.

today i called for delivery. i said my street name, which is one of those fucking streets in noho that is the same parallel as a numbered street but no one knows where it is.

he said is it near canal?
i said no, it's the same as third street.
he said hold on.
he came back and said it's too far.
i said are you kidding? it's 3 blocks north of you.
he said i'm sorry miss it's too far.
i said come on, i broke my leg and i can't come in please.
he said i'm sorry she said it's too far.
so i said, that fucking bitch and hung up the phone.

then i called back and asked to speak to the owner
(REDACTED BECAUSE SHE GOT BACK TO ME)
he said no because he heard me say a bad word.
i said are you kidding? i know who she is. let me speak to her.
he said no she wasn't there
i said i know she's there she's there everyday (REDACTED)
he said no she's gone for a few weeks.
he said he knows i said a bad word.

so i went on their website and sent them a nasty email.

(REDACTED). the website said it delivers up to 4 blocks north.
i wrote that they shouldn't lie on their website.

anyway. my intern had to stop me from walking over there to raise hell. cause i would. and i still might.

i ordered rice delivery instead.



feel free to send them hate email. (PLEASE DON'T SEND HATE EMAIL, SHE WAS NICE).


UPDATE:

Dear Customer,

I am so sorry for what happenned. It is not easy to find good reliable workers, cafe clonial is going thru a transition of workers and a lot of the new people live in queens or Brooklyn, they may not know Great Jones.
It is also thru we don't have a manager at all times in the place; we operate for 16 hours a day. August is a month that managers and owners goes away since it is the quitest month.

I hope you will feel better and I will try to draw a map to workers with the name of streets, but again a lot of our workers are new; you would be surprise but a lot of people no longer want to work in the restaurant industry or be in the city for that matter ( rents are expensive and cost of living). I am not in the city at the moment, I"ll be back by the end of August and I will address this issue.

Thank you for letting us know

(XXXX)/cafe colonial

i flakedd

shorts, as i write this i am still drunk on frozen pina coladas with floaters and sinkers from last night. i entered the bikini contest at connellys in rockaway last night. makes perfect sense for a 30 year old who doesn't excersice (i tried to speel that 3 ways and couldnt get it right). i talked a big talk about it for weeks, so i had to follow through. i just had to.

apparently i got disqualified but won the popular vote. so like al gore i won but i didn't really win.

did i mention i am still drunk?

not done

i swear i'm still here. just been distracted.

shorts, it's now or never. for the sake of the blog, you must meet me for lunch. it's just about the only thing inspiring me to keep going.

peter luger

i intensly dislike this place. i remember not liking it the first time i went, and this last trip confirmed it.

now listen, in my house growing up, we weren't a chicken and rice kind of family. it was steak. steak, baked potatoes, and baked beans. that was our dinner 3 out of 5 weeknights. i ate the fat. i chewed on the bones. from the time i was a baby. i didn't have a pacifier, i had a t-bone.

so i'd like to say i know a thing or two about meat.



peter luger's meat is not cooked deliciously. the reason they push their sauce is cause it masks how unflavored their meat it. sure. put ketchup on anything and it tastes better. same there.





beefsteak tomatoes? boring. beefsteak tomatoes with sauce? yum!

semi stale dinner rolls? fuck that--stale. they were hard as rocks. boring. semi stale dinner rolls with sauce? yum!

completely raw-cold inside cow? boring. you get the point.

the kicker is that when they give you your leftovers, they won't let you pour any leftover sauce on it. don't fuck with me. i just spent $180 on your crappy stale rolls, limp canned spinach, and cow, and you want me to BUY a bottle of your glorified cocktail sauce. bite me.

plus that new extension they put on the place is straight outta home depot. and when i am paying $84 for a slice of bovine flesh, i'd like to see real wood panelling, not particle board. they don't take credit cards either, unless it's a "peter luger" credit card. puh-lease. ya, then go to the only ATM machine on the block where the surcharge is $3.99.



anyone who says peter luger is the best steak in the city is full of shit. full stop. my dog liked it though.

now, i hope the mobsters that run that joint don't come looking for me.

peter luger

soooo bored

so bored with lunch. so fucking bored. i need new lunch friends.

maybe it's just PMS. whatever it is, it's compounded with PMS so uuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrr.

you men have absolutely no idea. fatigue, cravings, cramps, anger. it's just punishment. all that for at least 4 days and then another four of blood. bloody mess. like, if you cough, you bleed. if you sneeze, you bleed. if you wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, major bleed cause it's been collecting and pooling in your uterus while you were lying down.

then you shove bleached, compressed cotton inside your body. INSIDE. and it just sits there. for hours.

the whole thing is just disgusting.

gotta medicate. pot cookies anyone?

secret

i ate lunch. but i'm keeping it a secret.

holga

i am skipping lunch because i shimbo got me a holga camera!

it's so simple that it is impossible to figure out, and studying it i cutting into my eating time.

lure

i know this place has been here for years, but i never went.

cause, well, i just figured it would be horrible like any other themed restaurant, or any other restaurant in soho.

but i heard good things, and when my friend shimbo told me he was paying for lunch, i thought i'd give it a whirl.

went to the gym again...dayamn look at those gams!



but not wanting to eat bad after doing good, i knew i was gonna have to forego the #1 burger in manhattan (according to some poll).

i felt like i was in my dad's sailboat but this place was much nicer. and bigger. and there were waiters to serve you fancy things, and the toilets flushed without a bilge pump. it's amazing what a good job they did, though.

even the floors look like a ship deck. poop deck. ha. poop.



here is shimbo. i'm kinda sad i didn't get a shot of his face cause he is a very attractive guy. i mean, come on...check out that hair! ladies, shimbo is single and wildly successful. like mogul successful; but he comes from west virginia so a nice well rounded package.



we had yellowtail and salmon sashimi and their house roll: lobster tempura and spicy tuna on top (i think). the roll was good, and the salmon was incredible. clean and soft and just melted in your mouth.




i had a tuna burger (not the famous beef one, the healthier tuna one) and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD was it good. i mean AMAZINGLY GOOD. the bun was sweet, like challah kind of, there was a mound of dark green, not wet lettuce, and layers of deep red tomatoes, and some wasabi mayonnaise stuff. i mean, i can't even explain how good.




the lemonade came with fresh muddled mint and they kept refilling my iced tea.

shimbo and i had a great time and the place is awesome. i want to go to the bar for cocktails tonight. anyone interested?

thank you jive ass turkey

a commenter gave me the greatest gift today. my blog in jive. HILARIOUS.

sohizzle fo'shizzle

starbucks cleanse

i went to the gym again (yay!) and i don't want to undo the good i did. so i am fasting. cleansing. my own version. fuck lemon juice and cayenne pepper (although, that really sounds delicious and i'm being sincere).

i am on a starbucks iced coffee liquid diet. for the moment. for today. for lunch. ok fine, until i feel weak and need to eat chipotle for energy.

grrr....!