bus driver, MOVE THAT BUS...!

the big reveal...SHORTS!

there he is, folks. and to my friends who were convinced shorts was an alias for my ex...well now you know.

shorts grew up in stuy town. his parents live in his grandparents rent stabilized apartment, which means with annual raises they pay about a $3 month. crazy.

i had to have a glass of wine, just cause i was nervous about pauses in the conversation. chardonnay=lots and lots of verbal diarreah. and yes, i put ice in my white wine. you know why? cause owning your decisions is classy. so fuck it. i've also been known to put ice my beer. and milk. and coke. and water. and underpants.

he is super nice and married (wha wha wha...). we came up with an awesome business plan that will hopefully make him rich.

we went to the new cafeteria on prince street and lafayette called delicatessan. you could tell it was owned by the same guys because it had that clorox smell and horrible n-tsa n-tsa music.

the best thing we ordered was the cheeseburger spring rolls...whaaaat? yup. SO GOOD.

this deep throating phallic food thing, i think i'm getting too old. or it's getting too old. kiss it goodbye.

he got omelet, boring. i got salmon which only confirmed that i absolutely HATE salmon unless it's smoked and on a bagel with cream cheese. i hate salmon. especially this salmon.

we couldn't do dessert cause i am just too blubbery.

so i got a huge oatmeal raisin cookie on the way home, had a bite, then threw it away. hoorah for will power.

all in all it was a good place for what it aims to be. i'm not sure what that is, but whatever it is it is. the menu is neat, the wide open windows are great, blah blah blah.

let's see how cute it is once it's broken in and dirty after winter.


Shorts said...

Today I met Candice. Totally fun, totally cool.

Candice grew up in Texas. She's a jew , but that doesn't stop her and her favorite drink, tequila.

I had some water, because I was relaxed. I put ice in my water. you know why? Cause ice is just water in another form. If I could add steam to my water I would try that shit too. fuck it.

She is super cool. Lots of fun. Single (ugh). She has some wicked smaht bizness ideas.

Saw her outside of Delicatessen and she was like "Are you shorts?" She was like a sad puppy.

The spring rolls were the best part of the meal. Candice started to deep throat it and i had to take a photo. Then she double dipped without asking, but I was so cool with that because it let me double dip, and it allowed her to have the freedom to eat my fries right off my plate without asking.

She got fugly boring Salmon. I got a kick ass omelet, but I forgot to order cheese. Eh. Not quite kick ass anymore.

Lunch was a blast. Yes, diarrhea of the mouth for both of us. But the time did fly.

Till next time.

Anonymous said...

what did the spring rolls look like inside?

noTORious said...

can't believe it! finally! shorts looks exactly like i imagined he would. kind of waspy, kind of cute.

good times!

Shorts said...

Kind of cute? Im dreamy.
Waspy? Im jewish!

Kara-Lee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

does he have friends. seriously. friends that look like him?