20090330

hmmmm

sometimes i wonder if the blind guy across the hall from me can detect my pot smoking faster than any of the other neighbors.

20090322

watched whatever the show is that comes on before "the unit", and the killer ended up being diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. they were going through the symptoms...sounded familiar. so i wiki'd it etc...

once my psych said that i have an unhealthy attraction to narcissists and if i didn't crack it i would be unhappy my whole life.

no WONDER i was so frustrated for the past 8 years. i thought i was actually dating humans, not monsters. duh.




Symptoms
By Mayo Clinic staff
Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you're special
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional

Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it's not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others.

When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don't receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may also seek out others you think have the same special talents, power and qualities — people you see as equals. You may insist on having "the best" of everything — the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance.

But underneath all this grandiosity often lies a very fragile self-esteem. You have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism. You may have a sense of secret shame and humiliation. And in order to make yourself feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and efforts to belittle the other person to make yourself appear better.

It is essential that you keep emotional distance from narcissists.

20090319

why a nail salon back rub is like bad sex

you haven't had it in a while, so you're totally ready to enjoy it
starts out ok, seems alright.
some rubbing, squeezing
now you're ready to have the sweet spots worked
ugh, they almost had it
getting closer, ugh they missed it!
they're like right there and they keep passing it.
now you're getting frustrated.
it's the same shit over and over again.
the excitement is gone and you just want it to end.
you think about stopping it and walking away
but you feel bad, and don't want to hurt their feelings, so you wait it out and let them finish.
but now they're sensing your losing interest and they want to try harder
so they slap you, pull your hair, pinch you, and push real hard all over the place.
none of this feels good.
in fact, you even turn your head and grimace in pain.
then it ends.
and you walk away unsatisfied. a little sore. and smelling like bad lotion.

20090316

lunch

no lunch! aagh!

but my friend did post these fuckers and i hate her for it. here is me. 13 years ago.

this was my 22nd birthday party. it was a gangster party. in retrospect, very insensitive. we had vodka watermelon, popeyes, i emptied my fridge out and filled it completely OE 40oz's, even had the paper bags, put tv on BET and hid remote and cable box, black jesus pictures on the wall, emptied freezer and put MD 20/20's in there (about 30 of them), it was crazy. we got busted for noise by two cops. one white and the other one was not hispanic. mortified.


we took halloween pretty seriously. we rented southern bell costumes. the place also had confederate soldier costumes to go with them. ahh, texas. we ran out of ribbon for chokers, so i stole the sash to my suite mate's silk robe (that she wore all the time) and cut it up for us. oops. that night was fun. p.s. the roommate with the cut up robe was hit by her own car. ya, you do the math.


this is another halloween. jesus. fat, short hair, and i have a tongue ring inside my mouth. this is what blacking out 3 nights a week will do to you're sense of style.

20090315

sweet

bullet proof clothing. cause, ya know, just in case.


i love

20090313

curve 8900

fuck the bold. this is the shit.



phone by blackberry. t-shirt by pegleg.



this is what i had for lunch
i know you guys miss my good postings a bunch
but i been pretty out of it
feel like my life's turning to shit
just kidding! i'm fine
but it's hard rhyming line by line.
going to texas in two weeks
add some fat to my cheeks.
both sets of cheeks i refer to
doesn't matter which ones you prefer to-
squeeze when we're all alone
and by alone i mean on the phone
cause my beds been bare of live bodies
that's right, ain't got no hotties
the doc changed my medication
so it might just be my salvation
and i'll get back on that horse
cause lovin is the source
of all the light in my life
just wanna be someones wife.

oaaahhh! what, what!

20090311

mark, ryan

show yourselves.

i'm not eating cause i'm all depressed. i even took up smoking again. now i smell like my drama teacher. coffee and cigs.

however, last night my friend and i did the waffle and ice cream bit at the diner. then i went to barf it up. cause ice cream comes up easy. just kidding.


video

then i started itching my eyes at the table and i couldn't stop. they swelled up huge and they're still big today. it's not pink eye. i probably touched someone who has a dirty pussy. cat.

20090309

i need a kiss. girls like me can't live without kisses.

20090307

ballet leads to taco truck

first of all, i am taking ballet class. i really like it even though i am completely uncoordinated. it's nice feeling pretty and listening to a guy play piano while you try to act light.



anyfuck, i was walking home with 5 bucks in my pocket and spotted the taco truck. i've seen it a few times before, but since i didn't have dinner plans (lame) i thought i'd give it a try.

really sweet mexican guys working in there. they have a great menu...super cheap. i wanted a taco and a chicken tamale, but they were out of tamales. so i got two bistec tacos. perfect. cilantro onions lime in corn tortilla. only 2 pieces of meat had to be spit out. it's cool.

apparently they are there everynight at the basketball courts on west 3rd and 6th.






20090304

it doesn't stop, yo.

this bitch said he loved me.

booyah!

i'm famous again!

gothamist used my post as a link in a peter luger post!

click here

now click on "backlash" link. awesome!

my friend dragged me to brooklyn. sure there are tons of hot guys there, but my friend is a guy. and everyone assumes we are a couple when we go out. so i get NO love. it's a problem.

went to see grizzly bear play with the brooklyn philharmonic. that was the worst orchestra i have ever heard. like dying cats. but they all looked like they were having fun, so, good for them. speaking of dying cats, grizzly bear wasn't far from it too. the only song i like was the last one they played. it really got to me, it was haunting and beautiful and it made me like the band a little more than hate level.

of course, i youtubed the song and it was originally sung by the crystals in the 60's. viddy this:



i like a girl saying he hit me, not a boy saying he hit me. makes him seem like a fucking pussy.

ANYWAY I DIGRESS.

we walked past this place called the smoke joint. ya, ha. funny. not. but it smelled like bbq so we gave it a shot.




we split an iceberg wedge salad. i had baby back ribs. he had pulled pork. we had beans, fries, sweet tea (for the record, real texans don't put sugar in their tea), and two shots of some crazy delicious small batch bourbon. the ribs' meat fell right off, and was a tiny bit crunchy on the outside. the beans were super sweet, a little too sweet. i put ketchup in them to cut it. the fries were really good. i didn't try the pulled pork. the iceberg was ok, rusty knot's is better. the peeps next to us had spicy chicken wings and those looked good too.

the prices were very very reasonable. the service was stellar. in fact i had a little lesbian crush on the waitress. it's probably cause she smiled at me more than any man has in years. and to my surprise, when i went to their website, a HUGE picture of her smiling at me popped up! how adorable.



i recommend.

smoke joint

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