on sunday i had my favorite brunch. booze.
this man is corey. i met corey three years ago. and by met, i mean he served me a drink. i have never seen him from the waist down. nooo, silly. not because i never gave him a blow job! because he is behind a bar every single time i see him. does that make him a real friend or a pay as you go friend? he is a very sexy black man.
corey makes the best cocktails in all of manhattan. and i should know. not only because i consume them, but because i was a barmaid in a past life. that life is called my 20's.
i highly recommend the pimm's cup. don't have a pic of it because they make me too drunk to remember shit. too many of those and you'll end up with your skirt over your head climbing the scaffolding on rivington. true story. i think i still have a scar from skinning my knee that night. let me check....yup, still there.
i really like the food at schiller's. the burgers are good, the shrimp in garlic butter is good, the nachos are amazing.
i love their nachos. 4 of us ordered them to share. i KNEW that wasn't going to happen. i was right. i ate the whole thing.
what? just order another one.
so we did.
then my tummy hurt. are you kidding? booze and beans?
but tons of fun!
on sunday i had my favorite brunch. booze.
i hate soho. i hate it because there is nowhere to eat. please tell me where to go. please.
have wanted to try this place for a while.
it's one of those mash ups; italian name, french food, arts and crafts decor.
it wasn't crowded which was so wonderful and peaceful. the menu had something for everyone. i was so content i didn't even mind the baby behind me with a snotty nose putting her sticky fingers in my hair. so cute!
the orange juice was fresh squeezed. the coffee was strong and they even steamed my half and half for me. friend had a gruyere and ham omelette. it was perfectly cooked, not too dry. came with a little salad.
i had blueberry pancakes. there was ALMOST a freak out when she apologized they were out of blueberries. but again, i was so chill i didn't even care. she could offer chocolate chips. i said plain was fine.
2 minutes later she came back and said they had bought more blueberries! this place is amazing!
alas, the pancakes were not fluffy. so i couldn't finish them. just moved my food around on the plate like an anorexic. ate some omelette. but it didn't matter. did i mention how PEACEFUL this place is? no lines, no crowds, nice waitresses who smile.
afogato for dessert. so gross to eat dessert after brunch, but i have serious PMS.
i will go back...just not order pancakes.
roi and i walked smack into the middle of a war protest march down broadway. i love new york!
it was pouring down rain and that just made these people more excited. we found it really entertaining and watched the entire protest from start to finish. god, i have so many funny/mean things to say... i'll censor.
the best was "stop your shopping, bombs are dropping!" like, hello? i am pretty sure some of that sales tax i pay goes toward municipal services and possibly public education. so pick your battles, evil bitch with no make-up and finger pointing right at me. i didn't even have any shopping bags on me! yet.
amongst everyone, there was one pro-lifer. what-ever. when i had a vespa i used to drive past planned parenthood and scream at the grandmother "go home! go home!" she was always so freaked she almost dropped her poster of a dead baby.
ANYWAY. some pics.
(this girl is psyched she doesn't actually have to walk)
walked by this place a bunch of times. it's like all organic fast american food.
i had a grilled cheese with roast jalapenos. it was great.
my stomach hurts from the cheese, though. and i am pretty sure i will be sick tonight.
shorts and i are already in a fight.
he asked me to lunch, and this is what i wrote back:
From: Hungry Girl
To: David xxxxxxx
Date: Oct 22, 2007 10:33 PM
why does a picture of a cat pop up on your name? men are NOT supposed
to have cats. that is just weird.
here is the problem. you are going to fall in love with me when you
meet me. even if you are a fag, you will fall in love with me. i can
spit in your food and you will still love me.
i will probably act all cute and flirty, because my father told me the
only way to get guys to like you was to make them want you. sexually.
yes, my father told me this. this is the same man who smacked me on
my back and said, "congratulations! it's about time!" when i told him
i lost my virginity.
but i don't like you will never like you because i am in love with
someone, even if he doesn't love me back.
so whatever your intentions are, just know that.
um, and if it's just to innocently get lunch then disregard all prior converse.
here was his response:
rom: David xxxxxxxx
To: Hungry Girl
Date: Oct 23, 2007 9:01 AM
Im married. And youre cocky.
gasp!!! i am mortified! now he wont take my emails or calls or texts, and he ignores me when i throw pebbles at his window. what do i do? i must have lunch with shorts. i am making it my mission to have lunch with shorts.
new assistant and i went to a place i have wanted to try for a while.
it's on crosby at bleecker. i had no idea what to expect, so when i walked up to a box with two hilarious greek guys making gourmet sandwiches, i was confused--to say the least. they were so nice, especially the fat one in a wife beater. there is no way this guy beats his wife, though. i think...
i asked to take their picture and the fat one joked to the skinny one, "hey donny! you gonna end up on one of those dirty sites again." as he gingerly sprinkled fresh dill onto my goat cheese and sundried tomato sandwich.
here is my "kiddy" sandwich: whole wheat hogie, goat cheese, romain lettuce, julienne cucumber, apple, sundried tomato.
it's insane. the turkey is freshly carved with skin still on it. no deli meat here. the cheese is brie, not american.
they don't sell sodas, but they offer you free bottled water. the fat guy liked me, so he told donny to make us fresh iced tea. then donny ducked down for a minute and came back with two cups. he said it was freshly made powdered iced tea. HILARIOUS.
cash only but who the fuck cares. these guys made my day.
*i have know idea what donny's name is, he just looks like a donny*
CHECK OUT THEIR WEBSITE. THIS PLACE IS AMAZING.
i feel really bad about neglecting all my fans (3, not including my mother). but turning thirty is rough. well, not really, but it is an amazing excuse to neglect everything in your life for a week or two.
i did eat lunch today, but blogging about mcdonald's is so boorring.
but dinner was fun. lots of shit to talk about diner in brooklyn. brooklyn--i just, i mean, i get it? maybe? maybe it's cause i am not from here. so to me, moving to new york meant manhattan. like in the woody allen movies. anywho.
after driving, yes driving to brooklyn, my friend roi and i went to a place called diner. it is right next to another place whose name i can't remember (cause it sucked) that i went to on a first date. (hey dude, i know you read this. long time! i hope your life is good. i heard your new girlfriend is hot).
as soon as i walk in i ask the guy if this and the neighboring place share a kitchen. he said no and i go, "oh phew! cause i ate next door once and the food totally sucked!"
then he goes, "well, it's the same chef."
great. what's the bet he shit in my food? and then sprinkled salt and basil on it so i wouldn't know?
with an open mind i sat down. the menu has 6--that's SIX--things on it. then this hipster waitress with a completely unsexy short haircut and mismatched ironic earrings squats down at the table and starts rattling off the specials while she writes down keywords like "arugula" and "pork" and "bass" on the paper table cloth. OH MY GOD THAT IS SO ANNOYING. is that some sort of trick to make me think this place is cool? like more of a trick than the fact that it is in brooklyn and you don't wash your hair?
they never poured our water.
i had risoto. gross. roi had braised pork, horrible fatty and salty and gross.
we were both so hungry after our gross food that we ordered a burger. no joke.
the fries were good. i paid the bill and we left. this is what we saw. i mean, words cannot describe... $100 says that is "art."
i had to shower with really really hot water to get that williamsburg grime off of me. take me back to manhattan!!
i have been MIA because i am planning the awesomest party. 600 balloons. that is all i'm saying.
soraya and i had an intimate lunch where she gave me the sweetest presents all wrapped incredibly.
i wished for a god, any god, to give me the strength to stay away from bad people and surround myself with love. gag me. but seriously....
subway is a place where dreams of creative lunches go to die.
today, my lunch was murdered. by me.
what started out as a nostalgic novelty has turned into a crutch. "no more!" i say. no more subway for me.
but i think i might buy one of these awesomely awesome products from their website to commemorate my short love affair with the chain.
here is a subway romance story.
man in sexy black shirt woos you with...
yada, yada, yada...you have a baby.
i need lunch buddies. if you would like to apply for a spot, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
um, i'm not kidding either.
yay! it's creepy camoflauge yarmulke guy!
had to run to midtown to say goodbye to my dear, sweet, amazing momma before she left for texas. she is so nice and beautiful and kind. the best mother anyone could ever ask for.
(she's the one writing the check. to me. what? that means she loves me! it's like a hug, but in paper form.)
wanted to show her the kosher deluxe place. she got a corned beef on rye. i don't eat meat that much anymore but i scarfed down half of that fucker without even stopping to breath.
i got that whole pita salad thing. everthing there is incredible.
lots of ladies in wigs and knee length skirts and tights and pumps. why do the orthodox women always wear navy? check it out bitch. that is my real hair. all mine.
since this place is catering my birthday party, i thought i would give it a try. (yes i am having a huge birthday party and if you didn't know about it then you aren't invited).
chinatown brasserie is on the corner of lafayette and great jones street.
it is HUUUUGE, like 30ft ceilings. the two douchebags who worked the front desk were total assholes. hello, fuckers. you work at a restaurant. don't for one minute think you are better than me.
mom and i had cocktails while we waited for sis. she had a lychee martini (boring), and i had a concord grape martini. now, i know what you are thinking. (oh my god, i was just going to say something sooo wrong). but don't. if you like welch's grape juice then this is the drink for you. if you don't like welch's grape juice then this is the drink for you. it was AWESOME. i can't explain. i would just shoot in there one day during your lunch break to see what i am talking about.
we had hot & sour soup. really good.
and vegetable fried rice. really, really good. i heart fried rice.
and a bunch of dim sum, most of which was good.
i must say, for a huge tourist trap looking restaurant in downtown new york city, the food was yum. tres expensive, but get your investment banker boyfriend to take you.
oh, and chocolate fortune cookies for desert. perfect if you like grape juice.
met my friend maria for lunch. she has that same disease that demi moore has. you know, the one where you never age a day past 27? fucking cunt. if that perpetual youth disorder was sexually transmitted i would close my eyes and make out with her just to catch it.
anywhoo. maria is my ex-boyfriend's best friend/ex-girlfriend (different ex-boyfreind...yah, i have been around). i met her 7 years ago. she once told me i had to stop acting like a brat if i ever wanted people to like me. ouch. but i dig her a lot. plus, she likes to drink. plus she has seen me wasted dancing to britney's "hit me baby, one more time" to a group of 40 year olds in montauk. i can't remember if that was the night before or after i got so drunk i decided to take off all my clothes and do the dishes because i thought i was alone--in front a goup of 40 year olds in montauk.
we had wine at lunch. so decadent i love it. we went to bread on spring between elizabeth and mott.
i have never been to this place during the day and i must say i prefer it. tons of foreigners. a veritable european union. of course, nobody from turkey.
we split an avocado and beet salad and a chicken sandwich thing. warning: the sandwiches aren't under a "sandwich" section. they are under "bread." which is totally counterintuitive if you want the lunch special of "soup and 1/2 sandwich." shouldn't it be "soup and 1/2 bread"? grrr.
they messed up on one thing. gave only gave us half a bread instead of a whole bread. by bread i mean sandwich. you see how confusing this is?
everything was delicious. they guys there were GORGEOUS.
i will go back. for lunch. they take credit cards, but no amex. if i am missing 25.60 miles to make my upgrade, i will go back and burn that place down.
(anita, if you read this, i better see you and your little friend on saturday night.)
i had all these great ideas about trying new places in soho. but fucking soraya was all moody and we ended up at noho star.
quesadilla was pretty good. chicken and manchego (or machengo?) cheese. frise lettuce. yeah, right. like there is frise lettuce in mexico.
i have no idea where this place buys their tomatoes but they are BLOOD red. incredible. and they taste sweet, not like that pale gritty no taste tomato from a deli.
the best was the hot fudge sundae. vanilla gelato (fancy name for i-c-e c-r-e-a-m), hot fudge, toasted hazelnuts, and real whipped cream.
i kinda like the reddi whip better. i once had a boyfriend tell me that eating food from a box was trashy. that was right after he saw me make kraft macaroni and cheese and a betty crocker cake. i dunno, i always liked that food. and sugary cereal, and coke, and kool aid, and jif full fat with trans fat peanut butter. and instant cream of wheat. and instant pancakes. and aunt jemimi corn syrup, and dole fruit in a cup with light syrup, and leggo my eggos. those were the days.
the best was my granny's "asparagus crisp." listen to this recipe. in a casserole dish (it already starts out bad) layer canned asparagus stalks and pre-shredded cheddar cheese, and lays potato chips. sprinke with paprika. bake until cheese is melted. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GOOD IT IS.
now i eat beet and goat cheese salad. high class.